I may look fine, but maybe I am not.

I may look torn, but maybe I am not.

I want to be in control of how I feel, but at times I lost the power to my heart.

I taught myself to be selfish, and that I will not be hurt.

I limit myself to the capacity of my love as I only have that much to spare.

I don't yearn for everyone's love, I only care about those whom I care.

That's me.

That's the explanation I gave.

That absurd and insensitive reason of mine.

Can I just stay true to what I've always believed?

Look up to the sky, lying on the soft sand.

Breathing in the cold air and you raise up your hand trying to grasp the fluffy white clouds.

It's a miss.

Maybe it's all just a dream.

It's that moment, that beautiful sight that you wish you could be holding on to forever.

I hope a 100 years later, at this same spot, someone could feel the heartbeat as mine and my warmth in the sand. 

The route to my happiness.
Wandering in the space I wanted to be.
Where's next?

1st October 2015.

California Dreamin' in the making in another month time.

Life is always good when you get to travel, 

with that unique someone.

We eat, we snap, we drive, we will see the world bit by bit.

Let's stay by each other till the end of the road.

Been a while.

A big year for me, as I step into supposedly another stage of my life.

I've never wanted to limit myself with the number games, it's just all in the mind.

At least that's what I wanted to believe in.

I've always believe in there is a choice in everything, you hold the power to your own life.

I hate to succumb to situation that is not my true self.

Am I being too naive or just simply a self denial?

Things never always go as per planned, kind of knowing it but when it does happen, accepting it with a cool head is just not that easy.

I have that much love but only for that little people.

People, my love is just that concentrated.

See it, if you can't.

Feel it.

A moment of pain, a moment of tears, it's just that moment.

And everything will be back to the way it used to be, people will get use to it.

Without you.

We build relationships with others, thinking that we hold unique and important places in others.

But afterall, you can only affect that someone that much.

You might think too highly of yourself, humans will only remember that important one that little.

The pain, the tears will eventually stop and at that point of time, you are totally lost in this universe.

You are someone's memories, you are a past tense.

You are that someone who was once important, but without you, life still goes on for others and nothing has changed.

Except your existence. 

That insignificant one.

I love the old, I hope for the new.

I yearn for the new, but I can't let go of the old.

Mesmerize by the old, thinking for the new.

Simply.

It's not the old or the new, it's now.

Enjoy the very moment now, it's all that matters.

Time ticking, tick tock and it goes.

I know it is acting on me, but I stay true to my belief.

It's just a number game.

I don't fall into the society trap and will hold on to my stand, living in my own pooptown.

Spend more time on things that make you happy.

Hell yeah, that's how you live.

We fight, we bicker.

At the end of the day, just stay put.

I will find my way to you.

If not, do look for me.

I won't be too far from you.

Mind is too full of thoughts and words.

I think I am going to explode.

Everyone has a dark side I suppose? Not all people are kind and good tempered right?

I thought I won't be able to see my dark side ever again, I guess it kind of miss me and so it decided to come and find me.

Humans are so fragile, or maybe I should say it's the relationship that holds two humans.

Lovers can be so into one another at a point of time, but how about when it ends?

The person whom you thought you can live old with, the person whom you thought you loved more than anything else in the world, the person whom you cared so much for, will just end with a perfect stranger.

Or worse, maybe a person whom you hate or hating yourself for being with this person so stupidly before.

My growing up was not exactly very pleasant, but still, here I am.

Not saying that I've been through a lot or suffered like mad, but definitely experienced more than the average goody family kids I guess?

Marriage is just a piece of paper that holds two pathetic souls entangled together.

Then why are people still looking forward to it? I don't get it.

At least that's how I feel since young looking at all the adults around me, suffering from the marriage that they once yearn for.

People from my neighbours whom I always thought was so loving, to my relatives and even my own..

Will I end up turning to the adults whom I grew up seeing?

Or maybe the fairy tales of happily ever after do exist?

But if it exists, it will not be called fairy tales right?

Ironic.

Be grateful of the small little things that makes you smile.

Don't always hope for the best, sometimes good is pretty awesome as well.

Comparison kills all, did you hear that?