Okay, finally I came up with a new blog, I guess this is necessary since my previous phase has come to an end. Sadly though. I really need a space to voice out all my thoughts and feelings.
For the past 2 weeks, it was really hell for me, I really thought that I was not able to go through all the pain and not able to move on with my life anymore. I was devastated and disappointed from the way you acted and treated me, it's like I meant nothing to you anymore (your responds are like shit). The worst part was you lied to me and I felt so cheated and betrayed, why have you turned into this human being that I no longer knew.
But all these doesn't make me hate you, it's really just plain disappointment, disappointed that why the bond between us was so vulnerable that it's not able to withstand this challenge. Disappointed that the love you had for me is not even worth a try (you "trying" alone to salvage the relationship doesn't count please) to see can we work things out. Disappointed that we had been through so much to be together and you just gave up on us so easily.
Anyway, I am not trying to be a pathetic ass here to beg you back or whatsoever. Everyday I am asking myself, why bother to be sad/ angry/ or have any kind of negative feelings when he no longer give a damn about you. It's like being in such a state doesn't help the situation or makes me feel better, so if that's the case, why am I torturing myself by holding on to the past when it's already over! ( I am so proud of myself that I can be so rational, haha.)
The initial stage was so hard for me, every breath was painful and tears just flow uncontrollably, like all typical girls, I really can't imagine life without you around. You were the one that was so clingy and wanting to do all things with me bla bla bla and just one snap, you threw me down to hell (ok, it sounds abit drama here, ha). So, thanks for your heartless and cruelty, you woke me up from my one sided false hope dream and I just got to face the reality that you have fallen for someone else. KARMA!!! (You all should know what I mean right? Haha.)
Once again, I am just like any ordinary girls that at times I will think of the good memories we had and probably when I walked pass places that we had been to will also reminds me of you etc. (Practically, it's ALL places, especially the fucking Yishun!! Argh..) Maybe things that I see or eat will also makes me think of you. ( The freaking 2 stars are ALWAYS in the sky man, can't they just disappear for good, dream on!) But but, a few days later I was telling myself why am I so stupid to link all things with him and just making me feeling more terrible? To him, Yishun is just Yishun. Big breakfast is just big breakfast. Stars are just stars. I've been in this position before (Karma karma), I know how exactly meaningless are all these when you no longer have feelings for that person.
So, I have to block my thoughts immediately when my mind starts to stray. And I think I am coping it pretty well.
Anyway the main reason I am able to cope all these is really because of all the love and concern from all my dear friends. Anything from a simple encouragement msg to accompanying me through the night helps me in going through this break up. I am so grateful and blessed that I have you all as my friends. Really love you all!!
I don't need to hate you for me to forget you, as I don't find it necessary. When I said," Let's just be friends.", I really meant it. But it seems that you are the one that's doing all the avoiding etc, it's quite lame ya. I always think that we will be pretty good friends if we were not together.
Thanks for everything, you made me realised my mistakes in a relationship and how to be a better companion in a way. I have told myself that I will not make the same mistake in my next relationship and knowing how to handle issues and my temper better. All these changes takes time, I'm not sure how long will it takes but I know I can do it. As for you, I hope you did sit down and think about what's your problem as well. I am no longer in any position to tell you anything but if you don't know how to love the person you are with and stay committed in a relationship, you will always be "falling in love" again and again.
Come to think of it, I've been "living" with another person (you know him and him ) in my life for almost six years, I am so used to have someone be with me doing things together. Probably, that's the hardest part for me to get used with. Suddenly I don't know how to handle singlehood man, haha. But I know eventually I will enjoy every second of it, I will be back to the shitass Lesley Chua! Hoho..
*Drum rolls*
My journey begins again.
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